literature

Winter Agony

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Lilith-Awaken's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Autumn trees bear the weight of death flowers
And poisoned by the sands of cruel time,
Crying after bygone springs' faded away dance
Whispering hymns of eternal night

Flying, melting into air...
Dreaming at the gates of death.

Put roses on the altar of dead angels,
Fight with broken wings of faith,
Close your eyes and wait to see
The light of the snow of decay

Crying under deaf soil, in a heavy coffin
Lies the sacred grail to be filled
With warm blood and tears of snow
And with the bones of dead angels

Flying, melting into air...
Dreaming at the gates of death.

Rising from the core of earth,
Bringing dark instead of dreams
Came the time of eternal winter
And the dance begins...
This is my second poem. If you find mistakes in the language I used, please let me know!!!
© 2008 - 2024 Lilith-Awaken
Comments6
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Captain-Random's avatar
This is an interesting piece. The tone seems very reminiscent of the Gothic poets of old, which is definitely a big bonus. Pulling off that sort of language can be tough, but I think you succeeded for the most part.

One thing I might consider changing is the overuse of the word "death" or variations thereupon. In places such as "Flying, melting into air.../Dreaming at the gates of death", it feels very poet and proper. Elsewhere, however, I think it gets a little too heavy-handed. I would look at the third and fourth stanzas in particular and see if you can find a different, more powerful image to use in place of "dead angels". That would really help this poem shine, I think.

Good job all around, though! I enjoyed reading this and I wish you the best of luck on your future writing :D